I wasn’t going to post this today. In fact, I wasn’t sure when or how I’d share it. I haven’t even been able to personally tell everyone I want to yet. But, throughout the day, I’ve felt compelled to to say something about Good Friday. I didn’t know what, and if I was going to say anything, I wanted it to be meaningful. Then I read a post by my friend Nancy Ray, and I knew exactly what I needed to say.
This month, Woody and I had a miscarriage. It was our first baby. Our first time to be parents. I carried our little one for 5.5 weeks. We saw the positive pregnancy test eight days before the miscarriage. In those eight days, that little baby helped shape me in more ways than some people have that I’ve known for years.
Thursday, March 3, the day of my miscarriage, I was in our all staff meeting at work, singing worship music, all while knowing and feeling what was likely happening in my body. The only song I can remember from that day proclaimed, “You stand strong for all of time, in the joy, in the trial. Your love goes on.”
Nothing could have described the past week of my life better than those words—the joy of learning we were pregnant with our first baby, and the trial of losing that baby so early.
As I worshipped through bittersweet tears, I felt an understanding, a peace, in my spirit that said, “Thank you God for loving me enough to let me go through this miscarriage."
I know what you’re probably thinking because it’s the same thing I would have thought had anyone said that statement to me. “What? Why would love allow something so painful?"
But here is the truth I discovered as He revealed Himself to me in that moment: God loves me so much that He is willing to let me face this because He knows it is the only way to get me to the better things He has for me. He sees my hurt, and when I hurt, He hurts too. But He sees the big picture. He sees more than I see. And He sees what is on the other side of my pain and my loss. And He says that His plans for me are good. And that He works all things for my good. So I know, that even in the loss of miscarriage, He sees GOOD things on the other side of this, and He loves me enough to let me walk through this to get there.
And then I thought of Jesus. God loves me and you SO much that He was willing to sacrifice His only Son for us because He knew the good that was on the other side of that pain—life and relationship with Him.
Receive His love today, friends. And know that He is always true and good. He never leaves or forsakes us. He carries us through our pain to His goodness all because He loves us. This brings a whole new meaning to Good Friday. And, it is indeed good.